So today started off good, and then went downhill from there. It wasn’t bad bad, but let’s just say I am emotionally drained. In the meantime, here is a picture of this morning. Eli loves riding in Scott’s old beat up work truck (an old Ford F-350… yes, we love old ford trucks!) He was very happy until it was time to go home. His anxiety and being fixed on needing to constantly do something was overwhelming today. Winter break is hard people.
I am so excited to have my children home. To stay up and watch movies, to let them sleep in if they can, to enjoy every bit. The reality though is at times it can bring so much anxiety from being off schedule. If I don’t plan every second to be busy and time consuming, it all falls apart.
Our evening is much better and Eli is finally happy again after a trip to Bass Pro Shop. A little bit of a transition back home but that was recovered by dinner from McDonalds.
I do believe that this extra anxiety is from the anticipation of New Years. Eli has been YouTubing it this whole last week. After tomorrow evening, I think things will become a tad bit less anxious for him.
For now, I am happy that we got through today and we are content. I think we are all ready for 2020!
We normally wait until the day after New Years but Scott (hubby) asked me the other day if I wanted him to do it early.
As much as I’d like to move on to the next thing because of my pure love of decorating, and now that Christmas is over, I am still enjoying the beauty of it all.
Even while I am cooking dinner and the boys are having their screen time, we are still talking and conversing and the air well… it still has a bit of that magical feel.
Eli’s lions Simon and Ralph are nestled in the tree and I just feel so thankful for the beautiful life I have been given. For my sweet husband and my beautiful children.
I often wonder what is going on in this sweet boys head, I bet more than I could ever imagine. Eli thinks so deeply sometimes, it looks like he is lost in an ocean of endless waves. Eli is so smart, it’s no wonder why we deal with aggressive behaviors. I see mothers on social media talk about their Autistic child and how luckily their child is not aggressive. I am not one of these mothers.
I’m going to be flat out honest with you. My son can be aggressive. Extremely aggressive. Lately we have been lucky it hasn’t been so bad, and we have more better days then not thanks to trying something natural to help his anxiety. But, it has in the past been extremely bad, hospital bad. My heart is so heavy when he has a meltdown. In the past when the meltdowns have been so bad, I hold it together until it is over and then find myself locked away in my master bedroom bathroom where no one can hear, unglued with what seems like an endless stream of tears. Once they dry up, I pick myself up and move forward. If you are a mother of an aggressive autistic child, you know exactly what I am talking about. The pain that strikes through your entire body known to you as pure, gut wrenching heartache.
Have you ever thought about the saying “You are to smart for your own good”? Well, imagine being “to smart for your own good” and not being able to get the words out, tell someone, do something about it. Then you feel a surge of anxiety and like you are losing your mind. You flip out into a nervous breakdown most likely ending in something broken, or someone hurt.
People can look at Eli and think “What a brat!”, or “You just need to straighten that kid out”, or “I wouldn’t be able to put up with that.” The truth is at times I wonder if I can handle it, but all in all I know he is fighting a much stronger, bigger battle inside then I ever will. And for that, I can handle whatever comes… and I will always help calm the storms.
When Eli was diagnosed with Severe Autism, he was also diagnosed with a Severe Anxiety Disorder. Now, imagine being to smart for your own good, with a diagnosis of Autism, and anxiety.
For King (As my husband started calling him one day, which is quite fitting for Eli’s personality and his love of lions.), Sensory input helps a lot. Constantly working on how to use words and express feelings helps, and as needed but wish we didn’t, medication also helps. Eli has come so far… and I know he can go further. He is very strong willed and has surpassed things doctors have thought he wouldn’t be able to accomplish. He has goals and dreams like a lot of teens. He talks about going to college someday. We don’t know what the future holds for him, but I know he can overcome anything. He proves it everyday.
Autism Lion 